Part 1 of Ashlyn's Thoughts.
You don't know how lovely you are. I have to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart. Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions. Lets take it back to the start.
Like a cheesy love song written after a broken heart mends, He called. He didn't really know what to say, just called to listen to me breathing. Most people would find our relationship akward, but we never did. Breathing led to some of our most memorable conversations. He meant a lot to me. Always impowering me. Making me stronger by accepting my weakness. Loving my insecurities. In fact, we bounced our insecurities off of each other. Maybe, that is why we grew apart. We needed each other so badly that we pushed our love aside. Well I'm thinking and I know it's about a year too late now to reflect on our relationship. A little too late to re-collect. It's even too late to deal. I just need to embrace and go. Not even "Move on." Just soak into my pores and stay alive.
I know he used to write songs about me. Sitting in his damp, cluttered room, smelling of dirty sex and day old pizza. He never wrote for himself. In fact, he greatly lacked writting from his heart. He wrote with his brain. Which is a shame, because he wrote what I wanted to hear. He was too blunt, too ovbious, and I noticed. He wrote in moments of anxiety. He wrote just words. Without meaning. They never moved me. It always upset me how these beautiful words soaked right through my body and disapeared into the back of my mind.
I put my glasses on my head, out of my eyes. They make my vision weaker. Suppose to make it stronger but its just a disguise. Make me look like somebody else. Your looking into a blurry vision of what i see. Without my glasses, do you see what i'm looking at? Of course not. Because I'm not even looking at anything at all. It's weird that way, eh? Having eyes, but not seeing. Or maybe I can see and choose not to. But why would anyone want to miss seeing what this world has to offer? Personally life has too many drama queens, media crazed persons, we all buy into images and names. The killings are nothing less than horrifing. I can't sleep anymore. I cant stay awake anymore. Im loosing my sanity. Maybe I'm being over dramatic. But that's kind of just how I am. Overdramatic in a weak way. I see everything but I find it so hard to remeber the good. What once made me happy are the things that bring me to tears every time i open my eyes.
She died months ago. The most beautiful girl this world has ever seen. She was what everyone wanted to be. She had the heart of heaven. She always forgave, always loved, always shared. Everyone that has known her at a point in time, holds her in their eyes. A girl like that doesnt walk out of your life without shattering everything left in you. I just miss you so much. I just wish I could see you one more time and tell you that this world will always love you and that you were nothing less than perfect. Your gone and that's scary because its hard to believe days pass without you. You made life worth living for.
Part 1 of Ashlyn's Thoughts.
Posted at 08:57 pm by luvmecrazy
